Did you know . . .?

When a 401(k) retirement plan is distributed pursuant to a Qualified Domestic Relations Order, the spouse receiving a portion of it from the plan holder may be able to make a one-time withdrawal without penalty as a divorce exception to the usual rule that you cannot do so without penalty before you are 59 1/2. I.R.C.Section 72(t)(2)(C).

Four Divorce Mediation Myths

1. That you and your spouse have to be "amicable" to succeed in mediation. Not so, unless you are so angry that you cannot sit in the same room, much less listen to what the other person has to say. A competent mediator can handle a high level of discord.
   
2. That you need to be in basic agreement about the issues before you mediate. Mediation is a dispute resolution "process". It presupposes conflict.
   
3. Choosing mediation means forsaking lawyers. It is a different relationship to lawyers. Instead of retaining them as surrogate negotiators to "handle" your settlement for you, you use them as consultants on an "as needed" basis.
   
4. That the only alternative to mediation is litigation. Collaborative Practice, in which each spouse retains a collaborative lawyer, is intended for people who are drawn to the concept of mediation, but for whatever reason do not feel comfortable without the support of a lawyer present in the room who will advocate for them without being adversarial and without even threatening to go to court.

Mediator or Collaborative Lawyers?(Part 1)

It's a classic mediation vignette. The wife wants to have her husband's business appraised and brings it up in mediation. The husband has a reaction. Not necessarily an angry one, mind you. Perhaps a plaintive,"Don't you trust me to tell you what it is worth?" Or a softly-spoken threat: "If you go down that route, then we might as well litigate". As the mediator, I note that she of course has the right to an appraisal. And I acknowledge his concerns. I also suggest an intermediate step of having an appraiser attend a mediation session to talk about the appraisal process and answer questions and concerns they may have. But at the end of the day the Wife, more often than not, backs down.

Had there been collaborative lawyers in the room, then it wouldn't be completely on her shoulders and it wouldn't feel quite so personal.